A True Story
It was some time before the residents of the Ukrainian capital noticed that strange things were happening, something they had never seen before. At first the whole thing was regarded as a bad joke, but then word spread about some information mysteriously disappearing at Verkhovna Rada, the government, Academy of Sciences, media, advertising agencies, schools, stores, etc. In the end people became frightened, perhaps because no one knew exactly what was going on. How could one live without information?
Added to the premonitions was the fact that those wielding power had stopped appearing on television, live broadcasts from Verkhovna Rada stopped, as demanded by the people’s deputies (449 ayes!). Also, commercials seemed to vanish from the television screens. Now this was something to make everyone worried, both those campaigning against them and living off them. And then they started broadcasting beautiful classical music, using television and radio channels (in our society this kind of music has long become a component of funeral procedures and a sure sign that some radical changes are about to take place on high).
Also, recitals and stand-up comedians seemed to have vanished from television and radio programs after one of the fathers of Ukraine appeared on the air, smiling confidently, saying polite greetings, and then falling silent, unexpectedly for the audience and himself. He would cough, clear his throat; it did not help. Nor did the best of efforts made by the audio engineer.
It was some time before the law enforcement authorities stepped in, not of their own accord, it should be noted. What followed was a campaign of studying the “data cancellation phenomenon” (as formulated by a noted academician). The investigators had to work under unusual conditions. It was especially difficult to draw up progress reports, as papers numbering hundreds of pages, including court records, the result of hard work done by hundreds of top professionals, would instantly turn into blank pages due to the data cancellation effect. Then they had to start from scratch, tracing every fact and figure, checking every piece of evidence, trying to ignore pressure from above.
Gradually, something happened (we are correctly proud of the nation’s research). Our law enforcement authorities (of which we are correctly ashamed) also made their contribution in making the picture clear — after four consecutive and complete files solving the case were miraculously erased. The first important result of such fruitful joint research effort by academics and the legal beagles was the creation of a “functional portrait” of the enigmatic phenomenon.
The latter turned out to have ears and eyes, could move in space (whether independently or otherwise), and exert a remote but quite tangible influence (most likely by some sort of irradiation) on certain media, including newspapers and magazines, television and radio channels, and the human brain. Scientists consider that the “logical-analytical” component (organ?) of that “functional portrait” is the most important, for it can instantly assess the authenticity, amount, and meaning carried by a given text, verbal statement, and that which is inside a given human being’s head. The said phenomenon’s incompatibility with the slightest manifestations of absurd or corrupt information is generally not found in any technical devices or people. This was what struck the researchers the most. After long scientific debate, the new phenomenon was identified as Nirvana (meaning an information bliss?).
There was ample evidence indicating the correctness of the “portrait.” A short contact with Nirvana (exposure to irradiation from it?) on the part of the print media resulted (albeit not on every occasion) in headlines being erased from their pages, leaving several lines in place of sizable features. It was the same with the electronic media. People would appear onscreen, ranging from people’s deputy to cabinet member to pop star, advertising agent, and would open his mouth, about to say something, then go mute. True, remarks like “I could be wrong, of course” or “The situation is not as simple as meets the eye,” etc., were heard. In fact, weather forecasts also vanished, making the television and radio audiences especially aggrieved. Naturally, from now on finding announcers, anchormen, commentators, guest analysts, people with fresh jokes became virtually impossible. Here even our omnipotent media philanthropists suffered a fiasco. But do we really need all those announcers and anchormen? Our politicians are currently scared witless by the media, keeping clear of it as best they can.
The general public is aware of certain manifestations of Nirvana’s existence, yet its nature, origin, and intentions remain anyone’s guess. Perhaps it is all being hushed up; maybe it is still to be learned by scientists. There is a host of hypotheses, some saying that Nirvana means thousands of microscopic molecular programmed devices dropped one dark night over the Ukrainian capital by an UFO on its course from the West or maybe from the Orient. Others claim that Kyiv is exposed to an alien invasion. Still others are convinced that all that accursed electronic thing is the product of our local brilliant extremists. Where? In Halychyna? Odesa?
The capital, nevertheless, continues to live the way it has always done, gradually forgetting all about the powers that be (none being in evidence or even heard of these days). Remarkably, people are no longer loath to listen to Mozart and Vivaldi.
