Lilliputian Circus

Just look at those guys. Aren't they great pulling off stunts like that, feeling so happy? And this despite the fact that Ukraine is up to its ears in the waste products of its statesmen's life activities. They feel like amusing the public and are doing just that. First, SBU chief Leonid Derkach announced that he knew nothing about his son being in business, with or without Rabynovych. The Ukrainian public had hardly wiped the tears of laughter away when National Security and Defense Secretary Volodymyr Horbulin announced in Ukraine's largest newspaper that he was Ghost of Hamlet's Father while the President was King Lear. THE NEW SEASON OPENS. THE CIRCUS OF LILLIPUTIANS HAS COME TO TOWN.

Mr. Rabynovych arrived from Israel, business partner of Deputy Derkach, fils , earlier barred entry for five years by Derkach, pere , pulling his rank on the secret police, and winding up very displeased by his own act. Mr. Horbulin, however, was very pleased at the time. Not now perhaps, because it is not clear who will explain the situation to the people; supposing that Mr. Rabynovych, an Israeli citizen, inflicted serious economic damage on Ukraine, as previously announced, then what has happened to that damage and to the ban on his entry? Supposing no damage was caused, what does his current visit mean? Precisely who is responsible for this glaring lawlessness? Of course, we can picture a couple of bulldogs fighting under the President's desk and decisions made at the national level, depending on the outcome of each round of the dogfight. We can even picture another foreigner, Mr. Berezovsky, acting as umpire. Why not? He has solved all his problems in his second Motherland, Russia, currently the venue of a humanitarian disaster, and is now engrossed in carrying out a humanitarian plan in Ukraine, in keeping with his thesis that Kuchma is a godsend. We can further picture Rabynovych having inflicted that damage on the Ukrainian state and now being given an opportunity to benefit it, by suing Oleksandr Moroz and his party, trying to prove that the Socialists wanted to make the Israeli their sponsor and that the Socialist newspaper Tovarysh is anti-Semitic.

What we cannot picture is Mr. Rabynovych returning to Kyiv, being an indicator of such terrible weakening of the position of such an august public servant as Horbulin, who can no longer find himself and believes Leonid Kuchma is King Lear.

A sad sight, big-time politicians crossing the critical point and becoming humorous. And the “informed and sober-minded” Ghost of Hamlet's Father, something the NSDC chairman wants to be like, being King Lear's best friend and gray cardinal with Richelieu's dignity, is actually an intriguer tired of the Bedlam which is life in Ukraine these days, an intellectual, wise and battle-hardened, suddenly tripped by a certain Rabynovych, as simply as a stick of chewing gum. And one hears from the latest that the Ukrainian state and its law enforcement agencies have nothing against Mr. Rabynovych. Well...

While asking the Kaniv Four the rhetorical “Who did you make friends against?” Mr. Horbulin voices his sorrow that they entered an alliance “for the sole purpose of opposing the current President.” Well, maybe, having clearing his throat after another gum stick, Mr. Horbulin, being the victim of backstage intrigues, will tell us that there is another way to send that pack of bulldogs (that have long seized control in the so-called presidential court) running from the corridors of power.

However, there is no other way except stripping Leonid Kuchma of his presidency, something which in our country of Lilliput has become a synonym of the patronage of clans and oligarchs. One also feels sorry for Mr. Horbulin, because he knows all this. And also not sorry, because, while swearing allegiance to Leonid Kuchma on newspaper pages, he is trying to save himself and not his country. And this feud continues when this country no longer interests anybody, with some feverishly stealing what is left to steal and others covering for them as their own, and all of them turning this state into a stage for a show called Vote or Not, You'll Get Kuchma Anyway.

Well, boys, you've lost your flair. As a patriot and citizen, I want to hear about something else today. What about the Pinchuk and Volkov cases mentioned in Parliament? Do they rate criminal proceedings or not? What is true and what is false in this stack of documents?

Of course, under the circumstances one is welcome to discuss Pavlo Lazarenko, because he is no longer one of all the king's men. But Pinchuk and Volkov are, friends of the President's family, respected, and each heads a Kuchma campaign headquarters. Most importantly, they are needed on high. And so this country is awaiting yet another pack of lies. Now we hear about students voting for President Kuchma and the latter, touring cities and regions, mostly cuts ribbons opening new buildings and premises. How many ribbons have been cut over the last few weeks? Maybe more than all the Soviet Communist Party General Secretaries put together. He cuts ribbons, cares nothing about Parliament, and tells everybody that we will live better with each passing day.

Among other things, he made a statement to the effect that he knows who ordered the Western publication about his daughter having been allegedly arrested abroad. Word also has it (never mentioned by any of the news agencies) that that Mr. Kuchma promised to tear off some precious parts of that person's body.

Indeed, the President made that statement and we all know that where there is smoke there is fire. I examined myself carefully, decided that there was nothing to tear off, and started visiting offices trying to find out what was Mr. Kuchma had in mind. Arrest? Untrue. But there was something else, something about a noted political figure strikingly resembling one of the presidential family's friends took a young lady strikingly resembling the President's daughter with him on a trip to a country strikingly resembling Belgium. While in that country, the said person, looking remarkably like the President's confidant Volkov, bought that young lady a necklace strikingly resembling a diamond one, paying 400,000 in a currency strikingly resembling US dollars, using a small rectangular object looking strikingly like a credit card. As they were leaving that country there was a special kind of welcome (rather watchdog) committee awaiting their appearance at the customs point. The watchdogs were particularly interested in the bank accounts that made it possible to splurge half a million “conditional units.” Thus when the young lady, oblivious to the fact that she was not in Ukraine and no longer First Daughter wrote in her declaration that the necklace strikingly resembling a diamond one had cost her $1,000, it quickly transpired that necklace indeed bore diamonds. Thereupon the young lady and the gentleman strikingly resembling Mr. Volkov were detained for further questioning. Through with the formalities and payment of additional duties, and having lost much in the way of frayed nerves, the two left for their home country strikingly resembling Ukraine. End of story. The gentleman looking strikingly like Volkov is accustomed to solving complex problems. Once, being in a country strikingly resembling Greece, he helped a young fellow slightly resembling Ihor Franchuk (then son-in-law of a man who does not look like the Ukrainian President at all) get out of the unpleasantness he faced after screwing up an oil transaction. After the necklace story (an outrageous pack of lies, of course) the man resembling Oleksandr Volkov had some problems with that country resembling Greece where authorities took a very marked interest in his bank accounts and are still awaiting assistance and cooperation from their counterparts in a country resembling Ukraine.

In fact, intrepid crime-fighter Hryhory Omelchenko spoke from the Verkhovna Rada's podium about thirty bank accounts frozen in Belgium and much else of interest.

As for the rest, it is just hearsay. There are always evil tongues. Never mind them, Mr. President. Just tell the people in advance that all this is only falsehood, including the story about Naftohaz Ukrayiny President Bakai sending his family to the United States as permanent residents, or about Bakai, Pinchuk, and Surkis “winning” green cards for immigration and accommodation there, or about Messrs. Rabynovych and Volkov already knowing their chartered flight number to take them to Israel after the elections. Lies! All of it! Except that it would be expedient for the President to say so in front of the nation well in advance. For people are mostly hungry and angry, giving a willing ear to such idle gossip, disbelieving in stability and production growth, believing all kind of nonsense instead. Would Mr. Pinchuk ever try to lay his hands on strategic projects, such as the Nikopol Ferroalloy Plant, knowing that they are waiting for him in the USA? Or would Mr. Bakai be packing, knowing that a lot of trouble would start for him as soon as he stepped inside the US Embassy? And Mr. Surkis, this paragon of honesty who has just opened a gold-digging factory together with the President? And Mr. Rabynovych, this pride of the local Jewish community, even though an Israeli citizen? Who or what should he fear? And, finally, Mr. Volkov, this gentleman to the bone. He cannot leave on the sly until he pays a certain lady a certain amount lost on a bet if and when Mr. Kuchma loses the campaign or until he receives this amount from a different person, on the same terms... Like I said, all lies. All these suspects are actually decent people. As for all those SBU experts working in the clandestine agency's basements as another presidential canvassing center, blatantly contrary to the law, writing in a section tentatively titled Demonstration of New Possibilities in Exercising Power about the advisability of “distancing from Volkov, Rabynovych, Surkis, Bakai, and forming a new team without odious figures,” this is also pure nonsense. They at the SBU are as changeable as the weather. First they ban Rabynovych's entry and then bid him welcome. But there seems to be a plan (or so they say): jail somebody from among their own, along with a bunch of opposition figures, acting under the slogans of uncompromising struggle against corruption and organized crime. They also say that the scapegoat's candidacy has been approved, a man whose last name starts with B, for he is said to be stealing too much and sharing too little.

Well, ain't we got fun? Hopefully, if the Ghost of Hamlet's Father suddenly feels like communicating with The Day (it happens, off and on), he will be most welcome. After all, he is supposed to be sober-minded and, most importantly, well-informed. Why not share with the readers the truth about what is actually happening to Ukraine and to all of us. As well as about who staged the circus of Lilliputians in the city of fools on the ruins of democracy and amidst thriving misery.