When Bill Clinton appeared in court and confessed his sins, I found myself respecting the man greatly (although I don't like the Democrats). But when Viktor Chernomyrdin publicly declined his second Russian premiership, explaining that he did not want to help aggravate the crisis, I felt chagrined, because it was a gesture made by a politician of a country next door to Ukraine. For some reason I remembered recent court hearings involving The Day and the Presidential Administration head when we were accused of disseminating a statement he had made in the presence of many witnesses. Despite the availability of video and other records, it transpired that Mr. Kushnariov had said nothing of the kind. Hamlet noted that there are more things in heaven and earth than dreamt of in your philosophy.
Last week was very active politically. All possible solutions to the crisis were submitted to Parliament: Cabinet retirement, the President's resignation, moved up presidential elections, annulment of the presidency – and, for some reason, of the Constitutional Court. Of all agencies the latter simply cannot be blamed for the crisis, so the proposal to liquidate it reminded me of the Stalinist tribunals when Communists did not simply kill one another, but for reasons I still do not comprehend thought up mind-boggling accusations like espionage for the benefit of Paraguay! Well, why not assume that the Constitutional Court is just such a Paraguayan spy? Meaning that it must be guilty of something, but not of what he is charged.
Incidentally, two more Paraguayan secret agents surfaced last week: Presidential candidates Boiko and Martirosian. The latter, of course, looks much more Paraguayan. As for Mr. Boiko, he represents Rukh and can explain his participation in the presidential race by party interests, but in the case of Mr. Martirosian the only motivation would be his picturesque figure. In other words, neither actually expects to become President. Then why bother?
This led me to the conclusion that my country was packed with Paraguayan spies. In fact, I began to spot them on every street corner. Examples? What would you think in my place if you read that one of the main obstacles in implementing the international Sarcophagus Project (i.e., Chernobyl containment) lay in customs clearance procedures? Who but spies and saboteurs would have contrived such procedures? Or the campaign to abolish capital punishment? Our prisons are jammed with inmates, and if we start meting out life sentences where will we keep them all? Now with the death penalty the situation is manageable: we shoot them and there are vacancies, we fill them, then shoot them, and there are vacancies again. Well, you've just shown your hand, Paraguayan gentlemen! You want to do away with us and take our place. Go ahead and try, but you are sure to suffer for your trouble.
PS: All this has even less to do with the real Paraguay than did the charges in 1937.






