Arkady Sydoruk: I Challenge Charlatan Pavlo Hloba

I must have inherited this gift from him. I spotted your interview in Fakty Saturday before last. I read the paper off and on just to laugh at the nonsense they publish. For example, how would I know that the US Republican woman candidate's name was not Mrs. Doul, but Ms. Doyle? Or that the great tenor visiting Kyiv, SeЦor Carrera did not speak Catalan but a Catalonian dialect? Well, I started reading the interview and suddenly discovered that I had hardly finished reading a question when I knew the answer, and I mean almost verbatim. It was some kind of phantasmagoria and you called it political horoscope. Why?

Addressing those you probably consider a flock of sheep, you resolutely assert that "You have no alternative but vote for the current President." You also claim that you have learned this from the stars. Now, now, Mr. Hloba! What you do is clearly an act of political plagiarism. Or to be more precise a PA scenario. And by PA I do not mean Pennsylvania or physician's assistant, but Presidential Administration indefatigably predicting that none other but Mr. Kuchma will win the campaign this fall. Perhaps they feel better and safer saying all this. Yet the most excruciating argument comes from the Chief Executive who in Lviv announced that he would perhaps need another five years to complete the reforms he had started.

Incidentally, you described these reforms in the interview rather eloquently: "Yes, it is bad when people have to beg in the street. But at least they won't die of starvation that way (and what makes you so sure that they won't? - A. S.), they don't get killed or sent to concentration camps." You are right, of course. Siberia and Kolyma are too far away from us now that the USSR is no longer here. As for their being free, I think you might be getting carried away. The Ukrainian leadership had a nice dressing down at PACE a couple of days ago. Remember? Because of our human rights and freedom of the press transgressions. And before that the influential US Committee for the Protection of Journalists called Leonid Kuchma one of the "world enemies of the press," causing much chagrin on Bankova Street, even including threats to sue the committee (which is ridiculous, for one really should know political traditions in the West). They did not specify the court, however: Pechersk District in Kyiv or Brooklyn in New York? Suppose you cast a horoscope other than the one carried by the Fakty, say, on UT-1 (you can do it without even looking at the stars, can't you?). I am sure you will see precisely what kind of freedom we have in Ukraine.

Your interview also reminded me of something that has haunted me ever since I returned to Ukraine after many years of travels abroad. Why has this land, once so rich, turned into such a ruin? Could it perhaps be because those ruling it are very superstitious, relying on your political horoscopes rather than common sense?

I am willing to believe that back in 1993 you cast a horoscope for Mr. Kuchma and warned him that there was something that gave him a fair chance to become President. In your words, "I think that Leonid Kravchuk will not deny that I promised him that he would never quit politics. By the way, his horoscope is very like that of Henry Kissinger, and resembles that of Nixon even more. The two are retired, yet they continue (my italics - A. S.) playing a very important role in US politics." I will let you in on a secret. Leonid Kravchuk could deny it, he has it in him. As for Nixon - if you mean the ex-President of the United States, not one of your friends - apparently you got carried away again. If he is really still alive somewhere, please send me a telepathic message and I will be really impressed by your horoscopes.

So far as I am concerned, Mr. Hloba, your memory often plays you false, and so does your logic. First you say, "I have never taken part and nor shall I ever take part in any election campaign of any candidate." Then suddenly you declare something to the contrary, "I will support Kuchma in the next elections."

All things considered, it is safe to assume that you did not bother to look at the sky, but simply read the campaign scenario prepared by PA. People there consider that Mr. Kuchma went a bit far declaring that he will win in the first round, yet they stick to their wishful thinking, predicting that a communist rival will get into the second round. You echo them, foretelling a battle "between two Leos: Kuchma and Symonenko." And arrive at the extremely meaningful conclusion, "Yet the outcome will be determined by a chance occurrence. The stars promise success to both the Leos, but the more experienced and wiser one will win in the last leap."

So who will win precisely? Anyone's guess, isn't it? Actually, there is a sinister and transparent hint in the interview. It gave me goose bumps. "Today we all have to choose not between good and bad, but between bad and horrible." In other words, the winning Leo will be "bad" and the losing one "horrible." Where does this leave us all? What have we done to deserve such a fate? Of course, you explain everything, adding that we must have patience. You mean we should just sit back and wait, reading your horoscopes, while you help yourself to black caviar or shrimps? "The economy cannot be put back on its feet overnight, hard as you try," you continue to explain, adding that "There is actually nothing we can do till NATO falls apart and America receives its 44th President along with a crisis which envelopes it every 75 years."

I am amazed by your encyclopedic knowledge. I spent fifteen years in the United States and in all honesty I never heard of such a 75-year interval on that side of the Atlantic. Once again, please send me a telepathic message, along with the news about Richard Nixon's resurrection and return to politics.

Now about the mysteries of your encyclopedic knowledge and the signet ring you have on one of the fingers of your right hand. And of course your expression is glum. Does all this mean that the rest of the world is one big herd of sheep? Try to think it over. Could it be merely your imagination?

In fact, I cast an entirely different political horoscope. Pisces and Aquarius get into the second round - Tkachenko and Marchuk, and the latter wins. Why? I will tell your PA employer after the elections and you personally at the same time. Another fine point: competition will not prevent responsible politicians from uniting to save Ukraine from national catastrophe.

Unlike yours, my horoscope is by no means sinister, so instead of a cassock I will wear a light suit. Besides, it is so hot in Kyiv these days. When do you expect the silver column to drop? We all suffer from this tropical heat, unbearable life, and your ominous horoscopes.