War on Prince Hamlet

A hero of a famous book by Benedict Yerofeyev, Moscow — Pietushki, being in a state of agitation, suggested a war be declared on the Danes, who had slain their prince, Hamlet. This incident, seemingly humorous, was brought back to mind when the political council of the United Russia Party suggested that Russians refrain from buying Danish products on the Russian market, everything from Dirol chewing gum to Tuborg beer, in protest against Denmark’s alleged support of international terrorism. And some Russian politicians went so far as to bluntly accuse the Danes of defying the antiterrorist coalition. If it goes on like this, the bombardment of Copenhagen may not be far off. In the meantime, the Danes do not seem to understand what is required of them. The Danish ambassador, participating in the Echo of Moscow radio station call-in the day of the World Chechen Congress was held, said that, on learning about the events in the Theater Center on Dubrovka, the Danish government did not object to adjourning the Chechen forum and even appealed to its organizers to do so. However, they would not listen, and the Danish government cannot ban a public gathering. At this point, radio listeners were inundating the radio station with calls. How come? What kind of government is that? There is nothing the Russian government cannot do! And this is the main problem of Russia and probably the secret of Denmark’s prosperity. The Russian government is also far from omnipotent. For one thing, it could not prevent a group of persons armed to the teeth from traveling all the way from Grozny to Moscow and taking hostages in the heart of the Russian capital. On the other hand, it can easily amend legislation in such a way that mass media coverage of future acts of terrorism and special operations to counter them would be tailored much to the liking of President Putin and the law enforcement authorities, more or less the way reporting is now done from Chechnya. Unlike the Danish government, its Russian counterpart can afford to amend laws to make its work more convenient. For this very reason the mass media are trying to figure out what kind of despicable people they must be not to have a strong government and what kind of miserable country theirs is. And they have arrived at a simple and obvious conclusion: the Danes are a nation of traitors. This is no overstatement. The week before last Izvestiya, which still considers itself a reputable publication, featured an article by a staff writer of another self-respecting newspaper, Komsolmolskaya pravda, subtitled “The Danes Have Always Betrayed Russians.” The Danes got all the bad press the Soviet fifth estate would give to all other peoples contesting the undisputed truth promulgated by the Kremlin stars, say, they denied asylum to the tsar’s family, served in the Germany’s Schutzstaffel (SS), and the Danes king did not wear the yellow Jewish star at the time of the Nazi occupation, while the Danish Jews survived only thanks to the Resistance Movement. The journalist, however, said nothing about who fought with this Resistance Movement against the Nazis — not to distort the picture he tried to paint.

I felt ashamed. But those who published this nightmare from the past on the pages of a once respectable newspaper did not seem so embarrassed. On the contrary, they could even rejoice at the fact that, pillorying the miserable Danes, they turned out even holier than United Russia and Dmitri Rogozin. It is sheer pleasure to have such a harmless enemy as Tuborg beer. It was far more unnerving to watch Movsar Barayev on television.