Or the uses and abuses of latter-day Ukrainian governesses

“Governeur (governess) — of French origin — is a person hired to help raise and educate children in a bourgeois family.” This is an entry in the Dictionary of Foreign Words published in 1954 when such persons became a taboo for the socialist family. While Aleksandr Pushkin’s father fired the poet’s favorite French family tutor Monfot because of the man’s “obsession with balsam” (i.e., wines and spirits), the Soviets did away with the occupation as such, branding it as “an alien class element.”

Yet after Ukraine went from the socialist river to the capitalist ocean the home tutor once again found himself needed.

The word “governess” inspires hope, primarily that daycare workers and schoolteachers might hope for a better life. Their phone numbers are often found in ads columns and there are help wanted ads for “a young man with a pedagogical education and karate training,” a home tutor cum bodyguard. However, considering that governess and adultery are often closely associated, in novels anyway, a young home tutor and karate fighter is not likely to get a job that easy. The sole alternative seems a prosperous widow with children. Similarly, a young governess should not hope to use her job to become set for life. Their secret schemes are no secret to the wives of “new Ukrainians,” so the latter tend to prefer middle- aged home tutors. Teachers of foreign languages stand the best chance, but here, too, much depends on happenstance.

I made a phone call and said it was in connection with the ad. My party was terribly excited at first and then almost visibly disappointed when it transpired that I was not a prospective employer but a journalist. After a number of calls I had six female residents of Kyiv, aged between 28 and 52, as respondents. All had largely the same reason for placing ads: difficult economic position and inability to implement themselves as creative teachers at government-run institutions. Quite a few said they had finished special courses for governesses and that there is an Association of Governesses. Yet membership meant parting with 80% of their earnings, so my respondents preferred to act alone. Yes, they knew it was not strictly legal in the tax people’s eyes. (A governess charges an average of $1.50 an hour. A little or a lot? Hard to say, just as it is hard to denounce their “unlawful” employment efforts, all things considered.)

Below are impressions of those with home teaching experience.

TRUST BUT VERIFY

Tamara, 32:

I was hired as a governess for a six-year-old boy. He turned out to be nice and bright. He can solve math problems quickly as well as write and speak good English. His father (age 45) takes care of the boy’s education, but does it according to a very rigid system. No one is allowed to praise, let alone caress the boy. His mother (she is 27) has no vote in the family. The master of the house’s antics soon got on my nerves. There were all kinds of bugs and hidden cameras all over the place and I found living there intolerable. “Why get so excited?” a friend asked. “You aren’t doing anything wrong, so just ignore those bugs and cameras.” I tried, but it wasn’t easy. I had always been vigorous and straightforward and now I found myself feeling strained. A month later, he said, “You will take an examination with me tomorrow.” I did not think it strange; he wanted to know how much his son had learned. I prepared very meticulously and the three of us entered the boy’s room and then his father turned on the tape recorder. I heard my voice, a tape dating back a month. That was our first lesson. I was speechless. I realized that every word spoken in the house was actually recorded. I need money badly, so I have to put up with all this, but enduring this day-to-day psychological pressure is very difficult. * * *

It is not easy to determine what is typical or not of this new (long- forgotten old) profession. The more so that people often mistake a governess for a tutor or coach specializing in a certain discipline or a maid. One can often hear such in- residence employees complain that their “new Ukrainian” employers do not actually know what they want, including for their own children.

The following is an interesting account from an experienced teacher, Svitlana, 45 :

SECOND MOTHER

I had been told that they were leaving for work early and that the girl would open the door, adding that she was difficult. When I rang and the door opened my first impulse was to run for my life: a formidable Great Dane sitting right across the threshold. In fact, I am fond of dogs and have never been afraid of them the way some people are. Not this time. A content childish giggle broke my reverie. The girl was ten and her parents thought she had no talent and was lazy, her school reports were awful, and she took orders from no one. I started by making friends with the dog, so much so that he would help get the girl out of one of the wardrobes where she would hide from classes. She was wild indeed and I wanted to know why. Finally I did. She was very lonely. Her father, owner of a firm, and mother, working at that firm, would return home late. So I tried to become the girl’s friend. It was quite some time before I got across to her, but I did, and now her studies are also going well.

Once someone rang at the door. I was in the bathroom.

“Are you alone?” a girl’s voice asked.

“No, I’m with Mom,” she replied. I was moved almost to tears...

* * *

Sounds nice, but I think that such close relationship between a governess and a child is too much. P erhaps the reason is that in this particular case the girl lacked warmth and attention from her parents. A kind of golden mean might be better. Here is an example.

EACH IN THE RIGHT PLACE

Halyna Oleksandrivna:

My employers must have been attracted by the nonstandard manner in which I filled the questionnaire for the data bank. Anyway, the woman called and invited me for an interview. We were talking in the living room when the door opened and a little girl walked in. She came up to me, put her elbows on my knees and said, “My name is Nastia.” We made friends right there and then. Mykyta, her older brother, turned out a bit spoiled, probably because initially all parental love and care had been focused on him. Know how I got him under control? By always listening him out. This was the main rule in my own family. My husband died when his daughters were still very young, so I had to raise my sisters myself. Whenever they wanted to talk I would put everything aside and listen, looking them in the eyes. I really share all my children’s joys and sorrows, they are equally important to me. With them I feel their age. One should try to put oneself in the child’s shoes.

You must have often watched mothers drag their children along, crying, unable to keep pace, and being scolded for their efforts. Such mothers do not seem to realize that their young ones cannot move quickly enough being dragged like that. Try it yourself, by leaps and bounds, your hand raised high, gripped tight and pulled forth!

I feel that my employers respect me. From the first day they have addressed me precisely the way I introduced myself. They often receive ranking guests and I am always invited to the table. At times I quietly ask the hostess if I may leave and do something about the house instead.

And they trust me implicitly. I never bother them with trifles, and once I made a very bold move. We were at their dacha in Yalta, it was during the summit. The man and his wife were away attending the ceremony. That evening Nastia ran a high fever. She must have spent too much time in the sea. What was I supposed to do? Use the cellular phone and spoil their celebration? What could they do, after all? And I had treated my daughters on such sad occasions. So I filled a basin, added vinegar and gave the girl a sponge bath. She breathed easier, her temperature went down, and then she went to sleep. They returned at three in the morning. Should I tell them? What for? So they would stay up the rest of the night? I would be by the girl’s side anyway. I told them nothing and confided in the master of the house only the next morning when he walked into the room and looked at the strewn clothes, towels, and things with surprise.

My friends often say, how can you, an engineer (I am a typographic engineer by training), work as a household servant? Oh, haven’t I told you that I work both as a governess and maid? Their young maid quit, so I offered to do her job as well. Well, when they ask me this I say that all women do this kind of work at home. Free. Many hate it. I like it. I like to keep the place tidy and cozy. I am a born housewife, and in my case I am also paid for it. Of course, I get tired, like anyone doing a job well. But that doesn’t bother me. I am in my element.

SUMMARY

Certain conclusions can be drawn from these accounts. There will always be the employer- employee psychological barrier. This is only natural. However, the duration and mutual advantage of this relationship depends on the former’s cultural level and the latter’s tolerance. The more harmonious the combination, the more spare time, the most precious asset the employer will have and the more effective the governess’ work will be.