Mixed marriages flourishing in Donetsk oblast

Over the past several years the number of marriages has increased in the Donbas. Whereas slightly more than 25,000 marriages were registered in 2004, almost 33,000 took place in 2006. Meanwhile, divorce statistics have remained at the same level: about 19,000 every year. Civilian registry office workers say this is not a bad index; the stable number of divorces indicates that people in this region are not willing to destroy their families.

According to Liudmyla Hladkaia, deputy head of the Donetsk oblast justice department’s civilian registry division, the oblast’s marriage and divorce statistics are proof of one thing: the family is becoming stronger in the region, a trend that will continue.

This trend has been observed throughout Ukraine. Experience shows, however, that marriages in the Donbas and elsewhere in Ukraine are often ones of convenience, not love, serving as a means rather than an end — for example, an excellent opportunity to emigrate.

Mixed marriages top the list. The scenario is usually the same. The fiance comes from abroad and marries a Ukrainian girl, who gets a chance to have a happier life.

Over the past several years the number of such marriages has been on a constant upward curve in the Donbas alone. In 2005, there were over 900 international marriages in the oblast; in 2006, more than 1,000.

Statistics show that divorced women and those who reside in remote areas of the oblast mostly agree to marry foreigners. The reason is simple: the living standard here is considerably lower than in the Donbas capital, and women suffer the most. As a rule, remote areas of the oblast, where coal mines or other industrial enterprises are located, offer few employment opportunities to women. To make matters worse, a number of these enterprises were closed or became unprofitable in the 1990s, so most able-bodied residents either moved to Donetsk or went looking for jobs in Russia. Those who didn’t had to look for other ways to survive.

As a result, for many women marriage is their only chance to live a normal if not prosperous life. Experts note, however, that women in Donetsk oblast often make rash decisions and marry the first man who comes along.

RISKS POSED BY MIXED MARRIAGES

Recently a woman living in the town of Shakhtarsk desperately wanted to marry a German national. She did not bother to check his status in Germany. Later she explained her laxness by the fact that she was in dire straits and had no money to buy food for her children. Her first husband had died, and there were no employment opportunities for her, so she wanted to solve her problems by marrying a foreigner. However, when her fiance arrived in Donetsk for the marriage ceremony, it turned out that he did not have a certificate legally confirmed by the German authorities, stating that he was single and thus eligible to get married. Of course, the marriage in Donetsk was canceled, but the woman remained determined to marry him. The two of them went to Germany and got married there. After a while she returned home and went to the local civilian registry office, this time to get a divorce.

Experience shows that divorce is quite often the best solution to a problem. Sometimes, Ukrainian women, who travel abroad to get married, have to be literally dragged out of some very unpleasant situations. Some women go abroad allegedly in order to get married, but quickly discover that they were lured out for different purposes. The age-old problem of Ukrainian girls being sold into sexual bondage is only part of the equation.

It often happens that a foreign national marries a Ukrainian girl for the sole purpose of acquiring a household slave, who will be deprived of all her documents. In one case, an enthusiastic German took his time browsing the Internet, getting acquainted with girls in Donetsk oblast, stating his serious marital intentions, and inviting them over. He told those who came over that he loved them, but at a dramatic moment, he complained that his mother was very ill, so the wedding ceremony would have to be put off until she got well. But someone had to look after his ailing mother. Needless to say, most of these simple-hearted girls immediately agreed to provide care by keeping it “in the family,” without having to pay for a visiting nurse. In the end, these young women would be chained to the sickbed, and their sweetheart would postpone the wedding date for one reason or another, and then simply ignore any mention of marriage on the part of his “betrothed.”

Within a month many of these women realized that they had no prospects abroad and returned home. They were invariably replaced by another “fiancee,” so the young man was able to save money for many years by having young women take care of his mother.

Whereas in the situation described above the “fiancee” was still able to return home any time she chose and forget all about the fake marriage as just a bad dream, in other cases women don’t have this opportunity.

Most often problems arise when Ukrainian women marry Muslim men without first familiarizing themselves with Islamic ways and traditions. They may find themselves part of a large family where they are assigned the most humiliating tasks. They have to do the work of three people and are beaten by their husbands, who regularly find pretexts for becoming jealous. Of course, such horrors do not happen that often today, but the documented cases are significant enough to make Ukrainian women think twice before accepting a foreigner’s marriage proposals.

The largest number of marriages (some 650,000) is recorded between women from Ukraine, Russia, Belarus, and Moldova and Turkish nationals. Although Turkey long ago revised its attitude to women, who are now free to work, wear European clothes, and not sit at home carrying out “secondary roles,” this situation exists only in big cities. The ancient traditions are still followed in the provinces, precisely where Ukrainian women often end up.

Not so long ago people in Donetsk oblast were shocked to learn about a woman who had married a Turk. He wanted his Ukrainian wife to give him a child. She gave birth to a little boy shortly after they got married and moved to Turkey, where she soon discovered that he had a Turkish wife. The woman from Donetsk oblast found herself humiliated in every way, so she eventually returned home, but without her baby, because under Turkish law fathers usually retain custody of their children.

A CONTRACT AS A MEANS OF SELF-PRESERVATION

In order to protect themselves in mixed marriages Ukrainian women can draw up marriage contracts. A contract provides for all terms and conditions of married life, including material and moral aspects. Liudmyla Hladkaia points out, however, that few women dare suggest the idea. First, because Ukrainian women are very trusting; second, because they don’t want to burden themselves with additional worries. Thus, few marriage contracts have been made in the Donbas in the past couple of years: 28 applications were submitted by couples in 2005 and 44 in 2006. “This is a very small number compared to European statistics. But perhaps our citizens are unaware that a marriage contract grants them certain additional rights and advantages,” she adds.

In any event, a marriage contract will not protect Ukrainians from the ramifications and risks involved in a mixed marriage. According to women who are married to foreigners, moving abroad is always very difficult even if they married for love, because adjusting to a foreign environment can take years. Sometimes a woman has to start from scratch, learning the language, getting her Ukrainian diploma accepted at a foreign institution of higher learning, or spending years looking for a job, an underpaid one for which a foreign company will risk hiring a foreigner. Despite these drawbacks, young women in Donetsk oblast continue to view mixed marriages as a panacea that will solve all their domestic problems and failures. Indeed, most mixed marriages turn out happily rather than disastrously. Nevertheless, forewarned is forearmed.

CAUSE FOR OPTIMISM

Experts predict that marriages in Donetsk oblast and elsewhere in Ukraine will continue to increase. This is explained not only by a return to stable family traditions but also by objective reasons. Today most marriage applications are submitted by couples that belong to the generation of the early 1980s, a period when a high birth rate was recorded in Ukraine. This means that there are more young couples than in previous years.

Underage marriages are also on the rise: boys and girls are getting married at 14 or 15, mostly because the girl is pregnant, although there are cases when such marriages are contracted purely for reasons of love. Last year five such marriages were registered in the Radiansky district in the city of Makiivka, along with a considerably larger number all over the oblast.

Experts say these statistics do not indicate a sharp decline in the marital age in Donetsk oblast, but are rather proof of people’s unswerving desire to build solid families. A similar situation is observed in other regions of Ukraine. Relying on these statistics, experts believe that these trends are positive: the rising number of marriages is explained not only by objective causes (e.g., pregnancy, the need to move abroad, etc.). It seems that most Ukrainians, particularly residents of the Donbas, simply do not want to live alone.