From “I” to “we”

In the past century the world has made an Olympian leap from tradition to innovative trends, but certain things have not changed, like weddings that are most often planned for the fall. Some 100-150 years ago a bride-to-be belonged to her family and could not act contrary to tradition. Today, a fiancee thinks nothing of donning a pair of leather pants and jacket for her wedding ceremony and ignores what other people may think. A hundred years ago, young couples were married by their families and relatives. Our grandmothers still believe that a wedding is the culminating point of one’s life, and that this ceremony must be held according to folk traditions.

Today, young people get married the way they please, often without the blessings of their families, relatives, friends, and neighbors. They are amazed to see old Ukrainian rituals that are sometimes performed during weddings: the use of traditional Ukrainian wreaths, loaves of wedding bread called korovais, kerchiefs, the ceremony of paying a ransom for the bride-to-be, and the whole village taking part in the festivities that last for several days — elements without which a marriage was once considered invalid.

HAVE A GOOD TIME!

In most cases people like to get married; there is hardly a more festive occasion in one’s life. Ukrainian wedding rituals are rooted in jokes, songs, and games. For example, paying a double ransom for the bride-to-be is a ritual that was practiced in Kyiv oblast as recently as 50 years ago. This ritual was recently performed by the folk group Kalynonka (village of Krasne, Bila Tserkva raion) during the folk fest Osin vesilna (A Fall for Weddings) at the Museum of Folk Architecture and Daily Life of the National Academy of Sciences of Ukraine, located in Pyrohove. A young fellow acting as the bride’s brother was prancing astride a horse, blocking the bridegroom’s way and demanding the ransom. The young man offered him candies, pine cones, and some other trinket, and was laughed at by everyone present. Finally, both fellows struck a bargain, had a glass of vodka each, and the fiancee’s brother let the future bridegroom enter the yard. (The happy couple that took part in the festivities was not real, but the vodka was.)

This was not the end of the ransom-paying ceremony; that’s why it is known as the “double ransom.” Now the bridegroom’s entrance into his girl’s home was blocked by her younger brothers and sisters, shouting, “You must pay for our sister because she has eaten so much!” More haggling and jokes follow. In the end, the bridegroom gives the assorted children several hundred hryvnias and is allowed to enter. Inside, he sits next to the bride and the people strike up a song: “Don’t stand behind us, don’t blink your eyes, put a bottle on the table, and sit by the bride.” This marks the beginning of another rite: sewing a flower on the bridegroom’s lapel.

“We reconstructed a ransom-paying rite that dates to the turn of the 19th century. It was practiced in what is now Kyiv oblast as well as in Polissia and southern Ukraine, and researchers have evidence that it existed in Russia, Serbia, and Bulgaria. Unfortunately, it is practically extinct. When you study this and other characteristic Ukrainian wedding rituals, you arrive at the conclusion that such a wedding is a profoundly philosophical ceremony; each song, each element has a meaning, protecting the fiancee from the evil eye, wishing the young family many children and a prosperous home. In the past, it was generally believed in Ukraine that a young couple, even if they got married in church, had no right to live together until after the folk wedding,” says museum research fellow Olena Hromova.

Five folk groups from Ukraine took part in Osin vesilna. They performed the rituals of matchmaking, baking the korovai, and sewing the flower on the bridegroom’s lapel. These rituals are still practiced in these regions. According to the museum staff, young people who visit the museum, especially during excursions, often ask them for details concerning wedding rituals. Osin vesilna is thus a perfect place for people who are interested in Ukrainian traditions.

“A few times I saw young couples who got married in our church, dressed in folk costumes. People often ask to explain which folk rituals and wedding paraphernalia to use and when. We are considering the possibility of opening a special consulting section at the museum,” Hromova told The Day.

“ROYAL” WEDDING

Not everyone prefers folk weddings. So-called non-standard weddings have become fashionable in Ukraine. These are celebrated according to special scenarios, in unusual places presided over by registry office officials. Here the marriage is registered for the second time because, as The Day was told by a Kyiv district registry office, marriages cannot be registered off the official premises; it is against the law. This repeat registration costs slightly over 300 hryvnias, peanuts compared to the cost of such a wedding. Staff members of Kyiv’s wedding salons that specialize in unconventional celebrations say that staging a big wedding down to the last detail costs several dozen thousand dollars.

“We have a variety of wedding scenarios: royal, Western, gangster, and other kinds. We specialize in unconventional weddings,” The Day was told by the Kyiv wedding salon Event. “All the ideas and stage direction belong to our company; they are our intellectual property. People often commission us, especially in the fall. Let me stress that unconventional weddings are a trend not only in Ukraine but all over the world. In the US, Russia, and Europe such weddings have been popular for over a decade. Here this trend appeared about a year ago.”

Organizers of such shows note that European-style weddings are the most popular, when the bride is led to the altar by her father, with children dressed as angels carrying her veil. Unconventional weddings are organized on the money-is-no-object basis. Our wedding salons were quick on the uptake and now offer a variety of wedding styles: Oriental, retro, Latin American, even a rabbit wedding.

WHAT’S MORE IMPORTANT: TRADITION, EXTRAVAGANZA, OR LOVE?

The choice of wedding scenario or rituals is the young couple’s prerogative. Whether this wedding takes place in the sky or on terra firma; whether the ceremony is secular or in accordance with folk tradition - none of this is likely to influence their subsequent married life or on divorce statistics, which indicate that one in every marriages in Ukraine ends in divorce.

Nina Zatvorna, artistic director of Kalynonka, believes that by adhering to folk wedding rituals, a young couple assumes responsibility for each other. “When I was getting married, my old man took me as his wife with full observance of all the rituals. We have been together for 35 years. You sit and think, ‘They have sold me and no one wants me at home...’ After the flower is sewn on the future bridegroom’s lapel, he knows that here is my woman, no one else’s. All the others are someone else’s. In other words, there was a sense of responsibility,” she told The Day.

However, folk rituals that existed 100 to 200 years ago have lost their sacred characters. Folk group performers, mostly women between 50 and 60 years old, believe that young people are treating these rites very cavalierly. To them it is a kind of game. In contrast, the older generation regarded all traditions very seriously. Well, times are changing. Now, throwing a wedding party for the whole village would look ridiculous, especially if it lasts a week. But that’s precisely how they once went about it in Bilousivka (today: Cherkasy oblast). On Thursday, the dough for the korovai wedding bread was kneaded; on Friday, a chest was delivered from the bride-to-be to the bridegroom’s; on Saturday, the bachelorette party took place; on Sunday, the wedding; on Monday, spoons were washed and if the girl was the last of the children to get married, a stake was driven into her parents’ threshold as a sign that there was no one left to marry, and also to protect against the children marrying a second time; on Tuesday, a hair of the dog that bit you is taken. Does it really matter if a wedding is held in African-style or underwater, with or without folk rites, even if it takes place astride a motorbike, so long as it marks the beginning of a happy married life?

COMMENTARY

Oleksii SHNEIER, psychologist and business coach:

These rituals are meant to strengthen society, the family, and the national or territorial community. They help the process of transition from “I” to “we.” If such rituals are beautiful, interesting, and exciting, people are willing to take part in them; there is a sense of affinity. With the aid of rituals it is possible to strengthen the family or instill in the younger generation, our children, an understanding that they belong to a certain community.

Now rituals are being substituted by other things. Old folk rituals are being changed for those found in glossy magazines. Today’s young people are attracted by a glamorous society. There are large corporations that sew clothes, produce cosmetics and other things; they are interested in consumers. One of the ways to attract consumers, especially young people, is to develop new rituals. Although they have some historical roots, they are very vague. Take nightclubs. They are also a ritual of sorts. People gather there to dance to loud music. We even have a word, klubytysia, which means to constantly visit nightclubs. There are clubs specializing in various styles of music. These rituals substitute for historical, national rituals. They are more attractive because here you don’t have to bake a korovai, which is a rather sophisticated concoction.

I think that modern weddings are staged in an unconventional manner in order to create a change in our boring lifestyle. People probably crave extreme events because life is rather predictable: business, commuting to and from work, going to a club. But there is no substitute for adrenalin. Extreme sports are something few have the guts to take up. So if there is a great pretext, like a wedding, this becomes an attractive new ritual. Whereas historical rituals serve to bond a married couple with their fellow villagers, oblast, or entire nation, modern rituals bind people to a far larger community, like Europe, for example. This is acceptable to Europe for understandable reasons: we have a large consumer market and such rituals are one way to develop it. This is neither good nor bad; this is a historical process. So far these new rituals are considerably stronger. It is easier to participate in them, they are more attractive, and there is more publicity.